This has been a hard past few weeks. I've been wrestling with deep dissatisfaction with myself. I've been drinking from the barrel of self doubt and just trying to see if it has a bottom. It doesn't.
There are times when I really don't want to face the world, and times when I want to face this community even less, when I open a fresh Google Doc and stare at it for an hour and hit the backspace more than any other key. Today is a day like that.
I've been listening to Fr. Tansi's record, Garden, and I've really needed it. It's been speaking to me in some vulnerable places and I can't say thank you enough to Fr. Tansi and to all of the people at Renewal in Motion who were a part of making it happen. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. You were there for me today.
I feel like Fr. Tansi is opening up a secret door into the garden of his own prayer, into his dialogue with a God who loves him, who's proud of him, and who is eminently present. Especially in "Rising," and "Rest." Often when I'm struggling to believe that about God and about myself, the pathway out has been encountering God's love through someone else's invitation into their own experience of the Divine.
Garden is a work that does that for me. It's not just the arrangements, the vocals, the melody, the instrumentation...all of these are worthy of recognition. It's the heart that's behind it all.
It's beautiful in every way. Even the album art, which was done by Daniela Madriz, one of my personal heroes.
Thanks again to you guys at Renewal in Motion for being so awesome. We love you guys!
I’ve felt like a permanent outsider since the day I was dropped off at Forestwood Middle School after being homeschooled by a Catholic charismatic theologian. I’ll spare you the details, but I’ll just say this. It sucks being the one kid at the table who doesn’t understand the rules of football and gets laughed at every time you try and ask a question.